We, humans, are emotional beings. We have all sorts of emotions surging inside us some positive and some negative. Anger is classified as a negative emotion. Though anger is not the problem, the expression of anger is a real problem.
Feeling annoyed, in some situations, is normal. It’s just a way to signify negative feelings when someone or something annoys us. Anger can be beneficial sometimes if we can express it in the right way. It can motivate us to find solutions to problems.
We all try to be on the “sunny side of life”, but the truth is sometimes life sucks. Life is full of shits and problems are the only constant in life but when we take those problems to our heart that makes us angry.
So, where it all begins?
It’s simple: things go wrong; people (even friends) upset us, accidents happen. These things make us feel miserable about ourselves. And that’s fine! Negative emotions are also a part of our life which is necessary for our emotional health.
Yes, anger is not the problem, it is natural, it is a part of life, it is just the feedback of the incident, it is a volcano of mixed emotion but the problem is throwing things or maybe hurting yourself or someone else, basically your actions during that anger, not the anger.
Mark Manson once wrote that,
“When we force ourselves to stay positive at all times, we deny the existence of our life’s problems. And when we deny our problems, we rob ourselves of the chance to solve them and generate happiness. Problems add a sense of meaning and importance to our life. Thus to duck our problems is to lead a meaningless existence.”
We can’t control the anger, we can’t control someones actions against us, but there is one thing we can do, that we can accept this that whatever happens to us or done by us is our responsibility, because we are the one who broke the vase, who punched someone in the face,
So, anger is not the problem, the problem is the harmful behaviors that might follow the anger.
Anger, just like sadness, disgust, joy, bliss, and fear, is a feeling, a reaction to a particular situation or life events. Assigning value to it, whether good like crying or bad like hurting yourself, is unhelpful. By hating and fighting with your anger you are simply fighting and hurting your own feelings, a part of yourself. The result of that will be a shame and guilt all over you that would become tougher with every adding minute in future.
So, what do we do now? How we will control those harmful reactions of ourselves or our values?
Awareness
The first thing we need to do is that notice when we are angry and when we flood our body with that emotion. You know a fun fact about anger is that its origin is fear. Yes fear! Fear is a feeling that creates stress from an undesired outcome which then results into our anger. It can be fear of losing a job, fear of change, fear of failure, fear of socially excluded, fear of breakup and many more. So to identify that just imagine any situation you were very angry and ask to yourself ,” what was I afraid of?” and make sure you keep asking that until you reach your deepest hidden fear.
And remember communicating in anger is very risky business. When we are angry, we can’t think clearly. Most of the time, because of our anger, we say and do things that we regret later on. And also,
“If you are patient in one moment of anger, you’ll escape hundred days of sorrow.”
Acceptance
Acceptance is one of the best cures of anger. Many religions and cults view acceptance as the source of comfort and calm. I used a method to overcome my angriest and saddest times in life. For a long time, I said to myself that “something good must come out of all this pain and anger”
Even it was hard to believe and accept this but I tried, although anger was a voice in my head , saying “why me ?, things didn’t happen the way I wanted them to and life is unbearable” and my actions were telling me to pack my bag and leave my family. But I accept my method and said to myself that no, I’ll not take those actions in anger. And now I’m happily living with my family, who support me in my life at every step.
Back then I was just afraid – afraid of losing myself, afraid that I would fail again, afraid of drowning in sorrow, afraid of giving up, afraid that pain might stay forever.
So as Elizabeth Kenny said “he who angers you conquers you.”
There are many other ways to express your anger like use any form of art to express yourself, dance, sing, write, play a musical instrument, draw ,find an engaging hobby, or do any form of sport you like or perhaps meditate , it brings a lot of creativity into our life.
For now, signing off until next post.
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Thanks for reading | Stay happy, stay healthy.
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